inspired by Bob Newhart’s imaginary convos on the phone — Dear finger, I’m sorry you put up with so much stuff. You have to go into some pretty gross places. I’m sorry about that. You are very forgiving. It’s not all bad. I know I dip you into soft things like whipped cream and cool water from the ocean. I…

Earlier today in Etampes, France, I had been walking by a tabac, which is like a little French convenience store. I saw some girls hanging out in front and so I went in to get some chocolate. Immediately the man looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. He was…

also, the real reason i do standup — — the real reason i do standup is because in REAL life nobody ever lets me finish a sentence so at least onstage i have a mic and can potentially be louder than everyone else if i have to. i’m not saying i would be MEAN about it. …

so after that pleasant introduction, here is my interior monologue every time i go up to order a cup of coffee: me — i’m going to smile and be pleasant and not demanding because so many people are demanding. i’m going to be easy on this person and just order a…

Can anyone relate to these ridiculously specific feelings? — You know that feeling of running into some guy you know from work but you’re not sure if he’s married and you kinda don’t really care because you’re not really into him but you end up having a nice conversation and you think “maybe this IS the guy I’ve been…

but it will make ya happy and free — here’s something. i think one of the most radical things you can do is write fiction. mainly because these days everyone seems to want non-fiction. something practical. something purposeful. useful. we use it to get somewhere. leverage. fiction is useless. it’s about NOT making sense. it’s about letting your imagination…

a short skit where I talk to myself about, well, myself** — Lara, you need to stop worrying about things. Start enjoying life. Over and over the signs are there. People living in skoolies are telling you how easy it is to get one and hit the road. You see cute little backdoors in alleys reminding you how you wanted to convert…

Here are the smallest possible things I can think of that make me happy. - The way my fingers feel on the keyboard. Flat. Easy to press down. Little click sounds as I go. they remind me of this toy my kids played with a long time ago that had cushiony…

maybe just i need to hear this — maybe because it’s my birthday weekend and i am waxing a bit philosophical but i believe i have let other people define me for way too long. …