semi-fiction/non-fiction — [All drugged up while on a plane because I’m afraid of flying, this story popped into my brain waiting for the plane to do its thang…chicken wang] As she sat there waiting for the plane to stop rolling all over the tarmac and just pick a direction and GO, the girl…

why standup and drinking can but maybe shouldn’t go together? — so not to sound judgy — even though i know i will but i don’t mean it to — i’ve decided i’m going to take a very long pause from drinking. no, i don’t have a drinking problem. no i am not judging anyone else who likes to drink whether…

i’m going to write a story. each day. serialized. here. no editing. yet. it’s a rough draft. it’s not non-fiction. it’s imaginary. if anyone takes anything personally then yes it’s totally about that person. in fact, i’ve already begun. see, i was deciding whether to sit in the coffeeshop with…

silliness, craziness, wildness, whateverness — I like trying to talk to the uber drivers we’ve had on this trip. Any uber driver really. Especially when they speak a different language. I don’t want them to crash of course. You can’t bombard them with questions but it’s nice to try to find something to say besides…

inspired by Bob Newhart’s imaginary convos on the phone — Dear finger, I’m sorry you put up with so much stuff. You have to go into some pretty gross places. I’m sorry about that. You are very forgiving. It’s not all bad. I know I dip you into soft things like whipped cream and cool water from the ocean. I…

Earlier today in Etampes, France, I had been walking by a tabac, which is like a little French convenience store. I saw some girls hanging out in front and so I went in to get some chocolate. Immediately the man looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. He was…

also, the real reason i do standup — — the real reason i do standup is because in REAL life nobody ever lets me finish a sentence so at least onstage i have a mic and can potentially be louder than everyone else if i have to. i’m not saying i would be MEAN about it. …

so after that pleasant introduction, here is my interior monologue every time i go up to order a cup of coffee: me — i’m going to smile and be pleasant and not demanding because so many people are demanding. i’m going to be easy on this person and just order a…

Can anyone relate to these ridiculously specific feelings? — You know that feeling of running into some guy you know from work but you’re not sure if he’s married and you kinda don’t really care because you’re not really into him but you end up having a nice conversation and you think “maybe this IS the guy I’ve been…