hopefully humorous

next stuff i’ll say when i have a large mic in my mouth (translation: open mic comedy night)

i really will say this stuff and if you don’t believe me, well, i can’t make you

Lara Starsearch
2 min readNov 29, 2022


i drew this gobbledygook

version one (this is what NOT to do when on a dating app, people)

here’s what you should NOT do when starting a convo on a dating app:

me: hi, so tell me more about scuba diving. how’d you get into it at first?

them: i got into the water.

me: haha no, i mean. when did you first get the idea you wanted to scuba dive?

them: a while ago.

me: okay…. um, well? i guess you don’t really want to talk?

them: that’s right. here is a dick pic.

version 2 (yes, this is what you SHOULD be doing, IMHO)

me: Hi there. would you mind telling me more about scuba diving. how’d you first get into it?

them: my family used to go out to the lake each year and one day we rented scuba gear and ever since then i’ve been a big fan, diving all over the bay around vancouver.

me: that’s cool. what things have you seen?

them: incredible things. here let me show you some pics, including this one of my dick.

at least with take two, there is more foreplay involved. take note: nobody wants to see your dick except you. it’s personality that sells it people, personality!!


7 reasons to TRY online dating.

#1) you realize that the fucked up people you already have in your life are better than the alternatives.

#2–7) rinse and repeat #1 like a mantra six more times.


what’s wrong with a back handed compliment? the front and back of the hand look pretty much the same to me. i don’t get it.