This is me trying — but also not trying — to entertain you, dear reader friends

This is me talking to my finger:

inspired by Bob Newhart’s imaginary convos on the phone

Lara Starsearch
4 min readApr 26
poster design by the illustrious Marina Shipova

Dear finger, I’m sorry you put up with so much stuff. You have to go into some pretty gross places. I’m sorry about that. You are very forgiving.

It’s not all bad. I know I dip you into soft things like whipped cream and cool water from the ocean. I know that I do a pretty good job of taking care of you like I try not to let your nails get too ratty and I make sure I eat good food with iron so you don’t split down in the middle and form ripples like happened that one time which led me to having to be gluten intolerant.

Dear finger, I wonder sometimes how long we will be around? How many years will I know you before we are under the ground and roasted in a firepit or set sail on a ship or turned into dust that is dropped under a tree somewhere indiscriminately that I don’t necessarily want to be?

Dear finger, there is so much more to see in this life besides the same four walls and the same four streets and the same four faces. There are so much more than that.

Dear finger, please don’t be mad at me for not trying hard enough to get off my ass and turn off the lights so that my body can sleep better and you can get a break from all the touching and doing of things that you do all the freak deaky long day.

Dear finger, I know you get lonely sometimes. I know you’d like me to spend more time with other fingers. The way you used to as a kid when that head-person over there (me) would be bored in the back of the car and come up with scenes between the two of you based on that head-person’s weird fantasy land. What a weirdo romantic, she is, isn’t she?

Dear finger, I’m glad that you never asked me to do anything mean to you like chop you off like in that movie we watched set in Ireland where that one guy kept bugging that other guy to be friends until the older guy actually DID chop off all his fingers, and that was sad and didn’t need to happen.

And if you had a brain I know you’d tell the rest of me to stop doing so much stuff or to do crazier stuff…